clear.

this past week has been pretty crazy.
sunday honestly seems like 3 weeks ago.
first, i want to thank each of you for your AMAZING support.
my family, my friends, my co-workers, people i barely know, people i know well; thank you. your sweet words and encouragement have been incredibly special to me. honestly.

my mind has been foggy the past few days with questions that i don't have answers to.
i am praying for clarity and clear answers about what steps are next. i am also trying to learn how to live a life that is radically abandoned to Christ without making hasty, unwise decisions that negatively effect myself and the ones i love and care about most.

so, just to be clear about a few things that i do have clarity on for my own sake:

...my house will go on the market within this next week, hopefully. i honestly do not know what is next after that. if my house sells in 2 weeks, i will find a family member's house to stay at and just save money. if it sells in 24 months, i'll be in Tulsa for 2 great years. i wish i had answers past that step, but i do not. and when i think about it, my heart is overwhelmed with anxiety and i am reminded each time my heart starts to pound and my stomach gets nauseous that all i know i need to do RIGHT now is put my house on the market. so, again, that is the only step i am clear on and the only step i will take. i am confident when the next step needs to be known, it will be very clear to me what needs to happen.

...the children of Arbre de Vie do not need me. Jon and Ashley Barchus do not need me. the organization itself does not need me. the children of Arbre de Vie have their needs met by faithful supporters and a God who cares about their every need. Jon and Ashley Barchus have their needs met by faithful supporters and a God who cares about their every need. the organization has its needs met by faithful supporters and a God who cares about every aspect. if i move to Benin, West Africa on a long-term commitment, it will be simply because that is what i feel the Lord telling me to do next. and if i am on this side of the ocean for the rest of my life and never touch African soil again, the Lord will continue to care for the children of Arbre de Vie, Jon and Ashley and the organization, of this i am certain.

i am anxious for what is next but i am devoting myself fully to my call here in the States. i will continue to be the best pediatric nurse practitioner i can be and provide the best care to my patients and their families. i will also continue to be an advocate for the children of Arbre de Vie who have stolen my heart and raise awareness and money for them and their caregivers. i still do not have any more answers than when i posted last, but just wanted to clear some things up and answer the few questions i can...which aren't many.

thank you for praying for me. please specifically pray for continued clarity and peace of mind for myself and everyone effected by any future decisions that will be made.

it may be a little bumpy right now and it may look a little cloudy right now, but i am believing for a smooth ride and clear skies down the road. hold on tight friends because i do know one thing, it's going to be a great ride!!