moments of joy.

(Saturnin found a mouse...and loved the screams he got from Tata!)

It’s a cool Monday morning here in Sakete. A little rain fell and now a cool breeze has found its way here. It’s quite refreshing, to say the least. I’m sitting in my makeshift office at my house that is now looking more like a home with each passing week. Thanks to the wonderful people here who help me with every little step along the way. Seriously. Such a blessing.

This blog has been rather idle since my transition into life here in January. This weekend marked 3 months of being here in Benin and this is now the longest I’ve ever been here and also the longest I’ve ever been away from the States consecutively. I was thinking this weekend during a sleepless night about why I haven’t blogged much. There is no real answer. Maybe I worry about what people will think…maybe I’m just too tired and worn out by the end of a day to type out my thoughts but over the past week I’ve realized more and more I need an outlet of some sort for my thoughts and experiences to escape my heart and head. I will leave Benin for a short trip back to the States the end of May for my niece’s highschool graduation so until then, I’m committing to being diligent to blogging. Whether it’s something brief regarding my day here or something the Lord has shown me, I want to write out these experiences so I can always hold onto them. And also so they don’t become a big, hot mess inside me.

The past week has been difficult for me. The kids have been sick. I have been sick. I have been tired. And I have been unpleasant to be around on more than one occasion. (Maybe too many occasions to count…) I have been stressed about finances and the difficulties that are the reality of life here. For instance, I needed to turn my car around last night in the market area to head back home to the orphanage after buying antibiotics at the pharmacy and it was the most difficult thing. I could only laugh because I wanted to cry in that instant but I mean, seriously…something as small as turning your car around. And then all I wanted was a cold Coke and no one in town had one…we searched all over the market area. No cold Cokes. I think it’s safe to say any sort of “honeymoon phase” has worn off and some of the realities have come crashing down on me over the past several days.

As I tossed and turned again last night, I pulled myself out of bed this morning determined to make the most out of this day and to focus on the moments that are filled with joy instead of moments that may be filled with frustration. But then I started thinking…shouldn’t all moments be filled with joy? We all have that choice to make, don’t we? To choose joy. I feel like the devil has been using frustrating situations as a foothold in my life to steal my joy. Or more so, I’ve been allowing him to use situations as a foothold in my life to steal my joy. I’m determined this week to not let that happen. To not give him that satisfaction because it’s so ridiculous. What about you? In what ways are you allowing your joy to be stolen? I think so often it’s easy to focus on the situations that overwhelm us instead of fixing our eyes on Christ and His plan.

(Adjoke preparing the maize for the mill.)

As I warmed up my water for my coffee and took a seat at my desk, I opened by Jesus Calling to today’s date, April 28^th. These are some words from today’s devotion: “As you look into the day that stretches out before you, you see many choice-points along the way. I stand beside you, lovingly preparing you for what is ahead.” “I will equip you as you go, so that you can handle whatever comes your way. Trust Me to supply what you need when you need it.”

Will I trust Him?

What do I need from Him right now?

He will supply what I need when I need it…

Today, I am choosing to trust Him and in trusting Him I will find the joy that can only be found in Him. To not look at the circumstances and situations ahead of me that I don’t have answers for…but to trust Him today. And I am praying for continued belief to know that He WILL supply all that I need when I need it. Even if it comes in the form of a cold Coke at the last store we checked last night before heading to the orphanage. It may sound silly, but that Coke was exactly what this Tata needed. And I’m trusting today that He will again provide exactly what I need, when I need it.   

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him...

(Lamentations 3:22-25)