a decade

Here we are the beginning of April. It’s hard to believe. Time is flying by and most days are incredibly long but the weeks pass quickly and it seems the months are as well. Life is good. I feel like I’m adjusting well to this “living here long-term” thing and it’s been made so much easier since Ashley and Jon have literally helped every step of the way. It’s a joy to be part of this team: the team here in Sakete as well as the broader, international Arbre de Vie / Tree of Life USA team. God is good and this morning my heart is overflowing with gratitude.

I slept in a little this morning. Ash and I went to Cotonou last night for a gathering for a friend of Ashley’s who works for USAID and is being placed at a new assignment in Liberia. I went to the going away party and introduced myself to her for the first time. J We didn’t get back home until almost 1 in the morning and a cold shower and my hard bed never felt so good. After making my cup of coffee and instant oatmeal (Cinnamon Swirl if anyone cares to ever include that in a care package!) I sat down to do my devotions. I have a guestroom in my apartment that has a small desk with a chair and I love spending time each morning here. The breeze pulls in from a window on each wall. Currently my downstairs neighbors are blaring some music from the speakers of their new Hummer they recently purchased (it’s the talk of the complex!) and the young maison workers who are constructing a home next door are singing while they move cement. It’s overcast and cool-ish this morning and I grabbed a new devotional book from my bookshelf before sitting down.

After reading today’s “Jesus Calling” and spending some time reading the Bible verses for today I opened the book I chose: “Just Like Jesus” by Max Lucado. As I opened the cover I saw my handwriting on the front page: September 30, 2004 Sophomore Year. Apparently I’ve read this book before. After thumbing through the pages I realized that I in fact have read through this devotional book because each page is highlighted. Sorry Max, I have a terrible memory when it comes to what I have or haven’t read…I’m sure this says nothing about the importance of this book and the impact it had on my almost 10 years ago. Clearly.

Before I started reading the first chapter, my mind wandered back to September 2004. The first month of my sophomore year of college at Southern Nazarene University. It was not a good year, if I remember correctly. August had been difficult and I’m sure September hadn’t been much better. I can see myself opening up this book on my twin-sized bed next to Tillanie in our dorm room. I don’t remember what I was feeling but I’m sure it was desperation coupled with a longing for something more than the emptiness my heart had been feeling. And I scribbled this note on the last page of the first chapter: “God, You have the perfect way of knowing what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. You are so wonderful to me. Thank you for loving me and I pray that through this book I would be transformed into more of Christ and that there would continuously be less of me and more of you in my life…always. 09/30/04 11:58pm”

Today my life may look incredibly different than the first time I read through this book, as now I’m sitting at my small wooden desk in my empty guestroom that only has Rubbermaid cartons in it in a small village town in west Africa but the cry of my heart remains the same…less of me and more of Him. Always.

Shouldn’t that always be our aim? It’s a goal that’s never able to be fully achieved here on this earth. But if today my words, actions and heart can resemble Christ a little more than they did yesterday, maybe I’m on the right track. Just maybe each day I can give a little more of myself and in turn gain a little more of Christ.

One thing that really stuck out to me today while I was reading through the first chapter was how so many times people will either say of themselves or someone else, “Oh, I can’t help it. It’s just how I am.” People who are prone to worry. Prone to anger. Prone to excessive spending. Prone to being pessimistic. Prone to gossip. “Oh, it’s just how they are. She’s a worrier.” But just because it’s what our nature is PRONE to does not mean that’s how we always have to be.

As I think back to almost 10 years ago, I was bitter and angry and hurt. I could have chosen to live in and stay in that bitterness and anger and hurt for the rest of my life. That could have fermented and I am sure I would be REALLY fun to be around today… But somewhere through the course of the past decade, the Lord has done a drastic change in my heart and in the process my life has changed.

It’s not something that happened overnight, absolutely not. In fact, I can’t pinpoint exactly when it did or didn’t take place. I can only attribute it to the daily surrender that I have chosen to live in. And certain seasons it was more difficult than other times in my life. But whether it’s here on this side of the ocean or in the States, my prayer is always that each day I will seek to fix my eyes on Jesus and Him alone.

I believe He has ambitious plans for my life and for your life. And 10 years ago laying on a twin-sized dorm room bed in Bethany, Oklahoma at a small Nazarene University I never even DREAMED I would be sitting here today…but there is one thing I know and it’s that this is exactly where the Lord wants me. And I may not speak French as well as I’d like and I may get frustrated because it’s so dang hot all the time but loving these children and ministering in this place alongside this organization is exactly where I’m supposed to be and I may not have seen it coming but I know the Lord did. And I’m thankful today that I chose so long ago to daily surrender to Him and He has brought me here to this place for this time. It’s crazy to think what 10 more years down the road may look like…