You Hold.

i'm currently sitting at my kitchen table in Oklahoma crying.
which, is not the best sign. honestly. i don't want to be an emotional wreck the next 48 hours!
i just watched this video one of my friends posted on Facebook and i started crying. CRYING!
i was a little tearful before watching the video, i'll be honest.

i bought an external hard drive last night to put all my pictures on from iPhoto. i have pictures on here that date back to 2005 and it takes up a lot of room on my MacBook. i decided it would be best to get all my pictures saved before heading back over to Benin tomorrow so my computer is working at optimal speed in a not so optimal setting. i was looking through some of the pictures as i transferred them over and a picture from Christmas 2008 jumped out at me. it's of my mom and dad with all 4 of their grandkids and it's precious. then i start thinking about how much each of the kids has changed in just 4 short years. and then i get sad that i won't be able to take a picture of them all together this Christmas.

 ((2008.))

that emotion quickly fled as other pictures came across my screen that brought up other memories. laughter. love. life.
and then i came across last Christmas' pictures.
my oh my. how much changes in 12 short months.

last december i had just finished graduate school. christmas was a whirlwind of parties, a graduation celebration, family Christmas, working at the Children's hospital, Candlelight Christmas Eve services, Christmas miracles (getting cancelled from work on Christmas eve!) and minimal sleep. i don't remember disliking any of it, i'm sure i enjoyed it all quite a bit. but all of that would leave me feeling very unfulfilled this year. because, a lot has changed in the past 12 months.

sure, i am sad about not being with my family for Christmas. but Christmas is crazy for the Gibson clan this year!! GG is in Germany with my uncle Raymond, aunt Bobbie and cousins (Julie, David and Carly). Claire is dancing on Saturday at the Texas state football championship game in Dallas at the Cowboy's stadium. people are coming and going. and i am getting on a plane tomorrow to go back to west Africa. a place that has my heart. my whole heart.

and this time last year, i couldn't have foreseen any of this. could not have even DREAMED any of this up, but it's happening. because when you surrender your life to what the Lord is calling you to...your life is no longer your own. so that's why i am not spending Christmas morning opening presents in my parent's living room and that's why i'm not going to a candlelight service at a wealthy church and singing Silent Night. i will be having my own version of "Silent Night" that won't be so silent because roosters wake up early and Beninese people are making all sorts of noise before sunrise, but i am ready to make some new Christmas memories. and i am thankful, that no matter if i'm in Broken Arrow, Germany or Benin, i serve a God who holds the whole universe and loves everyone on this earth.

((2012.))