The house is quiet.
My fan is buzzing.
There are many things I should be up doing but I need to take a few minutes to write down what my heart is feeling at this exact moment. The next 2 days will be long. Traveling to Africa is not easy since there is no simple way to get there. There are long flights followed by long layovers and then long lines and long rides. During my first trip over with SNU I struggled with the traveling and my first time to Benin I vowed to embrace the journey of getting there. I've learned to do that and now I'm just pumped about sleeping on the plane. Oh sweet, blissful sleep. Seems so elusive at this point!
The past few months have flown by. It's crazy to think that this weekend is the weekend I say "goodbye" to life in the States for awhile and "hello" to life in Benin for awhile. Goodbyes are never easy. And choosing to leave my life here to live life there is also not an easy thing, trust me. I don't know if many people following my journey realize how incredibly difficult that is. In fact, I think the only people who could understand are those who've walked this same journey. It is not easy. But I am also finding more and more that maybe this life isn't supposed to be easy. Maybe nothing about living was ever supposed to be a walk in the park. Life is dirty. And crazy. And messy. And there are unknowns. And what ifs. And whens. And whys. And the list goes on and on...
But I am only in control of my life. And in all reality, I am not in control of my life at all. I strive daily to live a life of surrender to the Lord and follow His will and seek His face alone. Sometimes that's not easy but through this process specifically I have heard His voice and seen His hand at work unlike any other times in my life.
I am choosing to live a life of confidence and boldness and in doing that I am also choosing to NOT live a life of fear. Fear is irrational. Fear believes in the worst. Faith believes in the best. I want to be a person who drops every fear and chooses to see the best. Several weeks ago Pastor Craig taught a sermon on this very topic and it resonated so much in my soul that I wanted to share one of the points he made. I hope you find encouragement in this. My prayer for anyone who reads these words is that you would stop living a life of FEAR and start living a life of FAITH!
As I continue on this journey I am not naive enough to think there will not be bad times. There will be heartbreak. There will be sorrow. But I am believing with everything in me that the good will outweigh the bad. And even if it's all really, really bad (I'm not thinking it will be...but IF it is...) He is still God and I will still serve Him and Him alone.
I wonder what God is asking some of you to do? It doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks about you. Who cares if you went to school for 6.5 years to become an PNP and then only worked as one for 18 months? How crazy is that? It doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks about you though! People may never understand but that is not for you to worry about. What if the thing you never could have planned for and anticipated becomes the greatest blessing you never could have planned for or anticipated?
I didn't plan any of this. And I also didn't ask specifically for this. But here I am. And I am excited. And I am believing with my entire heart that the Lord who has called me will be incredibly faithful. He is a good God and He goes before me. And hopefully He also gives me supernatural abilities to speak French fluently. :)
I'll leave you with these words until my first post in Benin. Thank you for your love and sweet support.
As you think about what could lie ahead remember these words:
Outcome is God's responsibility.
Obedience is yours!
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