what is normal anyway?

The past few days have been a whirlwind…to say the least. 

So incredibly grateful tonight to Jon and Ashley for ALL their help with getting my apartment in order prior to my arrival and since I’ve been here. Seriously. All their friends and our other neighbors, the children and the staff at the orphanage have done so much. It is so nice that this little apartment already feels like home and my kitchen is organized, thanks to Ash.

I will try over the next few days/weeks to get some more things in order around here with everyone’s gracious help and post some pictures. It’s a pretty great little set up and it’s nice being right across the outdoor walkway from Jon and Ashley’s home. For those who haven’t been here and seen it, it’s essentially a big cement home that has been divided into 3 apartments on the bottom that 3 different families live in and then up a stairway are 2 more apartments on the 2nd floor. For those really curious, mine is on the right of the stairway and the Barchus’ is on the left. Too much detail? Okay. Sorry.

The past few days have been wonderful, as I know you all can imagine and are not surprised to hear. Today was what I would say felt like was our first “real” day here with a little sense of normalcy setting back in with the kids and life with them. This is the longest length of time Jon and Ash have been gone since they moved here and SURPRISE, Tata joined them on their return. Now I guess we’ve begun what will become a new normal, although there is no normal. With 30+ kids around there is always something (or should I say, someone) throwing a little curveball for "normal" life here. Life will look a little different now but hopefully only a good kind of different.

Speaking of "normal", today for instance was going to be a normal Wednesday. We get to the orphanage and the children are all home from school in the afternoon. (Wednesday afternoons they have off.) We busted out some new games Ash brought back from the States. “I Spy” and “SLAP” or “SWAP” or something…I can’t remember now but before we could bust out the games one of the little girls had a couple of abscesses that needed drained and some attention so off we went to the clinic area that is now at the orphanage because of the new dorm (thank you GOD and BCN for this incredible gift!) and Ash held her while I took care of some of that. Jon was in the city about an hour away to go to the bank, since that’s the closest bank. Yes, an hour.

We taught the kids the games and then all played SWAP together (I think it’s SWAP…) and I only wish that each and every person could have heard and been around the table with us. The laughter. Oh my word. It kills me and it’s just about one of my favorite things in this entire world. (Betsy, Adolphe got giggling SO hard at one point he could barely breathe…that incredible cackle. LOVE!) Games were over for a little while so then it was time for Tats to work on some French vocab words. The kids and I did this for sometime, which is fun and frustrating all at the same time. It will come. I guess I need to quit playing SWAP/SLAP and study more…but where’s the fun in that? (In all seriousness, a tutor is being set up so please pray this is a great fit and that it works out well for scheduling purposes!)

Before dinner, the kids were showering, doing chores, studying and then another medical need became priority. Meds were gotten from the pharmacy in town and also for ringworm on the scalp one of the kids has and off we go to dinner. After dinner, another abscess (not lying). After some studying time, Augustin and Jon come in the meeting room and Augustin has this HUGE ganglion cyst on his hand that Jon took care of while I assisted. Seriously? Seriously. It was gnarly.

About the 3^rd procedure of the day in, Ash was holding the kid and said, “It’s so nice you’re here. Jon can be working on fixing the well and you can be doing this and I’m always happy to assist.” 

It was a pretty crazy afternoon/evening and this only paints a small picture of what life is like and an even smaller glimpse of what all of today held but as I fall asleep tonight my heart is literally overjoyed to be in this place. To love on these kids. To offer assistance when possible. To supply hugs always. To laugh until my sides hurt. To be the hands and feet of Jesus alongside others who are doing it so beautifully.

It’s always something new.

Never the same.

Sweat pouring down.

Many bugs, lizards.

Lots of laughter.

Some tears.
And always worth it.

fear not: moving to Africa

Well, here I am.
The house is quiet.
My fan is buzzing.

There are many things I should be up doing but I need to take a few minutes to write down what my heart is feeling at this exact moment. The next 2 days will be long. Traveling to Africa is not easy since there is no simple way to get there. There are long flights followed by long layovers and then long lines and long rides. During my first trip over with SNU I struggled with the traveling and my first time to Benin I vowed to embrace the journey of getting there. I've learned to do that and now I'm just pumped about sleeping on the plane. Oh sweet, blissful sleep. Seems so elusive at this point!

The past few months have flown by. It's crazy to think that this weekend is the weekend I say "goodbye" to life in the States for awhile and "hello" to life in Benin for awhile. Goodbyes are never easy. And choosing to leave my life here to live life there is also not an easy thing, trust me. I don't know if many people following my journey realize how incredibly difficult that is. In fact, I think the only people who could understand are those who've walked this same journey. It is not easy. But I am also finding more and more that maybe this life isn't supposed to be easy. Maybe nothing about living was ever supposed to be a walk in the park. Life is dirty. And crazy. And messy. And there are unknowns. And what ifs. And whens. And whys. And the list goes on and on...

But I am only in control of my life. And in all reality, I am not in control of my life at all. I strive daily to live a life of surrender to the Lord and follow His will and seek His face alone. Sometimes that's not easy but through this process specifically I have heard His voice and seen His hand at work unlike any other times in my life.

I am choosing to live a life of confidence and boldness and in doing that I am also choosing to NOT live a life of fear. Fear is irrational. Fear believes in the worst. Faith believes in the best. I want to be a person who drops every fear and chooses to see the best. Several weeks ago Pastor Craig taught a sermon on this very topic and it resonated so much in my soul that I wanted to share one of the points he made. I hope you find encouragement in this. My prayer for anyone who reads these words is that you would stop living a life of FEAR and start living a life of FAITH!

As I continue on this journey I am not naive enough to think there will not be bad times. There will be heartbreak. There will be sorrow. But I am believing with everything in me that the good will outweigh the bad. And even if it's all really, really bad (I'm not thinking it will be...but IF it is...) He is still God and I will still serve Him and Him alone.

I wonder what God is asking some of you to do? It doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks about you. Who cares if you went to school for 6.5 years to become an PNP and then only worked as one for 18 months? How crazy is that? It doesn't matter what anyone says or thinks about you though! People may never understand but that is not for you to worry about. What if the thing you never could have planned for and anticipated becomes the greatest blessing you never could have planned for or anticipated?

I didn't plan any of this. And I also didn't ask specifically for this. But here I am. And I am excited. And I am believing with my entire heart that the Lord who has called me will be incredibly faithful. He is a good God and He goes before me. And hopefully He also gives me supernatural abilities to speak French fluently. :)

I'll leave you with these words until my first post in Benin. Thank you for your love and sweet support.

As you think about what could lie ahead remember these words:

Outcome is God's responsibility.

Obedience is yours!