papa jon's birthday.

Happy Weekend friends!

The end of this week has been busy, busy around Arbre de Vie.

We were all busy trying to get everything ready for Papa Jon’s 30^th birthday celebration!!! 30 years old. Whew!

All week long Katinka and I have been secretly having all the children make cards for their Papa. We were quite successful with this task and we have a note from each child to prove our success!

((love me some adolphe.))

Friday morning while the kids were home for their lunch break, we decorated the gazebo area for the festivities. A big banner with letter pennants hung from the ceiling that said, “BON ANNIVERSAIRE PAPA!” All of the kids blew up balloons and we hung those up behind the banner. I must say, it looked pretty good for some string, paper and balloons! The chalkboards were all written on and sweet messages had been left all over for Jon to find when he arrived. The children just couldn’t wait any longer, so they huddled around Nonga’s phone and sang/screamed the Happy Birthday song to Jon in French and English. When Jon and Ashley pulled up to the center, the children and staff bombarded the moto! They sang again to him and wished him the happiest of birthdays.

After a hearty lunch of rice and a boiled egg (this is one of my favorite dishes so far), the kids went back to school for the remainder of the afternoon and Ashley, Katinka and I headed back to Jon & Ashley’s apartment to make Jon’s birthday cake. Jon tagged along and brought Hubert too because he was home from school sick. I found some inner bravery and decided that I would drive my moto from the orphanage to Jon & Ashley’s apartment. It’s a decent distance away from the orphanage and I had never driven that far…I said I would feel comfortable doing this if Jon would ride with me to instruct me. He graciously obliged and off we went. I think I did pretty well. (Jon may beg to differ…) I made it the entire way to their house through the busy market area of town, through some speed gates and over lots of bumps and rocks on the dirt road without so much as one minor freak out. I would say that equals success, don’t you?

Katinka made the cake. I mixed the batter. Ashley worked diligently on Jon’s big birthday surprise! Jon and Hubert snuggled up on the couch and watched the final Lord of the Rings movie. When the cakes were in the oven I found my way into the living room and watched the rest of the movie with them. Tough job but someone had to do it!

Jon and Hubert left to pick up a treat for everyone for the birthday dinner. It’s this thing called “cha Changa”…and it’s basically mystery meat mixed with peppers and onions, wrapped in a paper thing and grilled. Looks like a hot dog, kind of, but you take the paper off and eat the crumbled contents inside. When we got to the centre Jon was already preparing the cha changa for everyone. The kids were SO pumped for this treat! I was brave and tried some…it was actually not bad. Very, very spicy though. Mouth on fire and sweat pouring down your face spicy.

((jon with the birthday treat.))

((see? sweaty spicy. whew!))

This is augustin, who is quite possibly the happiest boy in the world at the very moment this picture was taken. He looked up from eating his cha changa and said, “If I could have this meal with a coke every single meal, I would be the happiest man in the world.” his smile says it all…

The children put on quite a show for their Papa’s big birthday celebration. They sang and sang. Danced and Danced. Sang some more. It was the best.

((30 lifts for 30 years.))

After the children were done showering their Papa with love, we lit the candles and all had cake. It was quite good! Katinka did an excellent job. Louisette gave Jon all of the cards from each of the children. And then I had brought a few cards and gifts over with me from people in the US for Jon to open. The one from Ashley’s mom and dad sang and lit up…the kids were mesmerized by this! It’s amazing the things that I just feel are normal are so foreign to them. And the things that are so normal to them are so foreign to me. I am loving discovering their normal though.

((pretty girl and the birthday boy))

Then it was time for Ashley’s gift to Jon. She had been working all week on putting together a gift of messages from all of Jon’s family and friends wishing him a happy birthday. This was the sweetest gift and I know Jon will treasure it forever. It was the best idea! She worked so hard on it and put so much love and effort into making it the best. It was A little piece of home to help him celebrate in Africa. perfect.

((jon admiring ashley's sweet gift.))

i will choose joy.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s already Thursday.

The days are long here, but the weeks are flying by.

Monday and Tuesday were spent at the center with the children. Just a typical day.

((you're welcome for your Cosmo fix...!))

Tuesday evening, jon, Ashley, katinka and I left after dinner to drive 2 hours south to cotonou (the city I flew into). Jon needed to take his driver’s test for a Beninese license at 7am on Wednesday morning, so katinka and I tagged along to see the city and spend Wednesday in cotonou.

We spent the night Tuesday night at the sim house. This is a guesthouse that some missionaries told jon and Ashley about and it’s extremely cheap to stay there and they have the option of an air conditioner in each room! We paid the 2 extra American dollars and enjoyed a night of perfectly cool sleep. It was worth every penny!

Jon passed that test with flying colors and after a cup of coffee we were on our way to the market. Or as Ashley calls it, her version of wal-mart. I cannot accurately describe what cotonou is like. The driving in cotonou is enough to make a person need a xanax…I could never imagine actually driving a vehicle there! Cars everywhere. Motos everywhere. People everywhere. It’s just utter insanity!

We found our way to the material market and jon let all 3 of us girls out. We followed Ashley closely as she maneuvered her way through the crowd and motos with such ease. It was my main goal to just keep her in sight at all times! We were on a mission to get some fabrics for souvenirs that a tailor here in sakete will make. There were thousands and thousands of fabric options in hundreds of street side stores. It was impossible to choose! I picked out 4 different fabrics and am excited to have some neat things made with the material! We’ll see if it all turns out according to plan.

 ((ashley & i at one of the fabric stores))

We ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant.

A Chinese restaurant in the middle of cotonou. It was crazy! But it was actually delicious and we gorged ourselves. After lunch we drove over to a family’s home that arbre de vie sponsors. There is a mother, and she has 5 children. Her husband just literally vanished one day and she is now the sole provider for all 5 of her children. She cannot work to provide enough money for barely herself to eat, let alone all of her kids. Arbre de vie sponsors one of her children and we went by their home to check on her and see how they were all doing. This family basically “Squats” in a courtyard that is located between 2 nice apartment complexes. They live in a tiny, tin roofed shack. The child arbre de vie sponsors is extremely thin and frail. Jon provided a large jar of children’s vitamins for her to take each day. And we took some pictures. Ashley tried her best to coax a smile out of this child, but no smile would come. I stood back, taking it all in, thinking to myself…I’m not sure she has too much to smile about. But then behind me, some boys whose families also live in tin roofed shacks in this courtyard were running around beating on an old can with a stick. Laughing and smiling. Teasing with the white girls who had invaded their space. They followed us out to our car, these boys, and just watched us and smiled with us until we left. I don’t know their situation, but I am sure it is much the same as the little girl we visited…but they were playing, and dancing, and laughing. I don’t know that I would be doing the same in their situation. I would probably lie on the floor of my shack and wallow in my misery. But these boys probably don’t know any different. This has been their life for as long as they can remember. This is their life now.

I could only hope that I would choose joy.

I can only hope everyday that I choose joy.

((standing in the doorway of their home. you can see 3 of the 4 walls))

((beautiful.))

After this visit we came across the ocean. We trekked down to the waterfront and listened to the sound of the crashing waves. Dipped our toes in the water. A large wave pummeled me as I was smiling sweetly for a picture and my skirt got SOAKING wet!!! I love the sound of water. I love the ocean. I am glad we got to see this side of the Atlantic. God is a beautiful creator.

We stopped by a few more roadside markets. Bought some maps off a man. Got some mangoes. Then we headed back to sakete.

On our way to cotonou we had dropped off one of arbre de vie’s helpers in porto novo, the largest city between cotonou and sakete, and she spent all day Wednesday purchasing food items in bulk for the orphanage. We picked her up at the market in porto novo and loaded jon and ashley’s car up with all the goods she bought. We drove back to sakete and made it to the orphanage around 8 o’clock.

As we pulled up the newly paved driveway to the centre, the children began running after our car. Screaming and so excited to see us all! It had been exactly 24 hours since they had seen any of us. And let me tell you something…getting out of that car and being bombarded by screaming children who are so excited to see their mama, papa and tata’s is just about the best feeling in the world. Hugs all around. Kisses all around. Love all around.

It is enough to make you never want to leave.


"may the God of hope fill you with ALL JOY and peace as you TRUST IN HIM." ((romans 15:13))

((Mama Jacquelyn, Me, Alice, Dossou, Hubert, Ashley, Rosalyn in the purple plaid, Amide, Delphine, Vivianne, Cosmo in the front))

some boys and their fish.

my shadows for the day.

walking up to investigate what the big boys are doing.

((damien in the front, cosmo in the back))

isn't cosmo's smile the best?

working together to catch some fish in the net!

they got one! a big one.

these two...

don't they just make your heart melt?

that smile says it all.

so proud.

you have stolen my heart.

Less than 5 days.

Today is the 5^th full day I have spent with the children here in Benin.

We walked to church. Then went over to the orphanage. (I drove the moto successfully by myself on the dirt road for the first time! Woot woot!!!) Ate lunch. (a delicious rice!) Did some work around the property and for ashley. Painted the girls’ fingernails and toenails. The boys got fish that they’ve grown out of their reservoir for us to eat. Tilapia…mmmm! It was so fun to see them all swimming around working together as they do so well to accomplish a task. (I'll post pictures of this later this week.) The clouds rolled in and it rained some and cooled down like you wouldn’t believe! We ate dinner and then Studied for the upcoming school week. Said goodnight and they went to sleep. Well, that is after I tried to much avail to have them all brush their teeth before going to sleep…impossible task. 

And here I am, realizing something I never thought possible…

It took less than 5 days for my heart to be completely stolen and captivated by their love.

I realize the majority of my adventure here is still ahead of me.

There will be many great days and possibly a few bad days…but I am already dreading the moment my arms hug them for the last time of this visit. 

Saturday night as we all sat in the gazebo together, playing games and laughing; as adjoke would cackle each time she drew a “draw 4 wild card” at uno, Clement was excitedly screaming when the dice would roll his way for left, center, right and Louise quietly sitting at the table, deciding her next big move at skip-bo...

My heart was overwhelmed with joy.

These are the moments I will treasure forever.

I sat back in my chair, waiting for my turn at Uno, and my eyes welled up with tears. 

Never before has my heart been filled with so much love. 

Never before have I witnessed such love so freely given and received.

If only we could all love like that.

If only I could learn to love like them.

Wrap our arms tight around the ones we love.

Look them in their eyes and tell them, “I love you” and mean it with every fiber in our being.

As we pulled away from the center Saturday night, augustin came to the car to tell Ashley and myself goodnight. The backseat of the car was filled to the brim with children, 6 boys and 2 girls. (Ashley and jon have some kids over to their apartment one night every weekend to stay with mama and papa, watch movies, and eat breakfast together.) Augustin leaned down to my window and said, “goodnight tata jill, sleep good!” then he said the same to Ashley. And Ashley looked him in the eyes and said, “goodnight augustin. I love you.” And without hesitation augustin smiled and said right back, “I love you mom.” 

With such clarity. 

Such sincerity. 

It was like he had never been more sure of anything else.

I want to love like that.

I want to be loved like that.

I am so thankful that these children and these people I am with are teaching me how to love and how to love well.

They have, in fact, stolen me heart. 

trust me & don't be afraid,

for i am your strength and song.

think what it means to have Me as your Strength.

i spoke the universe into existence;

My Power is absolutely unlimited!

human weakness, consecrated to Me, is like a magnet,

drawing My Power into your neediness.

however, fear can block the flow of My Strength into you.

instead of trying to fight your fears, concentrate on trusting Me.

when you relate to Me in confident trust, 

there is no limit to how much I can strengthen you.

remember that I am your Song.

i want you to share My joy,

living in conscious awareness of My Presence.

Sarah Young

Jesus Calling

March 21st 

is this real life?

I often say the phrase, “Is this real life?”
Someone does something ridiculous and I glance to those around me and sarcastically ask, “Is this real life?”
A friend of a patient's mom at work talks to me at the desk for 10 minutes, mind you she has no teeth, about the most insane things and as colleagues are laughing while she walks away, “is this real life? Am I being punk’d?”
Sadly, all those situations are legitimately real.
But I asked myself that question today on numerous occasions.

I am not the most adventurous person, per say. I love to see new things and meet new people but I am not usually the first to jump on a ledge and say, “oh me! Pick me! I want to try that new thing first!” I like what I like. I don’t like things that make me feel uncomfortable. In fact, I typically buckle down and flat out refuse to do them. I knew coming to Africa and spending 9 weeks in Benin would be out of comfort zone…kind of. Being with the children. Helping with anything for the organization. Laughing with Ashley. Being hot and sweaty. Doing anything medically to help. Providing a helping hand and listening ear wherever it's needed. None of these things are out of my comfort zone. In fact, I feel very comfortable doing these things. But the moto that I am needing to learn to drive? That is out of my comfort zone. I’m not one for thrill and danger, but there is no other option, is there? So today, not only did I ride on the back of a moto for the first time in Sakete, a city with no street signs or traffic signs and basically no driving laws but I DROVE a moto in Sakete!!!!! I will be the first to admit, it was a rough go at first. I had grown quite comfortable with the idea of riding the moto by the time we got to the pavement where Katinka and I were going to learn to drive them. There’s a large power plant for the countries of Togo and Benin by Ashley and Jon’s apartment, there is a paved road leading from a busy main street down to the plant. So off katinka and I went back and forth on this street for a good hour or so. A sweet high school boy from the centre, Seraphine, got roped into being my teacher and he was so so so patient. The first few times were rough. The going part became easy but the turning part kept getting me! I would try to turn that bad boy and it just would not work out the way it was intended to work. (I am fully aware that this is all due to operator error!) The first time I successfully turned without basically having to stop and turn the moto with my feet down, Seraphine got so excited and I’m pretty sure I was screaming “YEAH BOYIEEEEEE!!!” the whole way down the road. ☺ this will all definitely be a work in progress because paved roads are minimal here. There is one main road that leads from cotonou (where I flew in), through porto novo, and then to sakete, but everything off this main road is dirt. Not smooth dirt. Rough, rocky, bumpy, dirt. So it was decided by our moto instructors that we would first learn to master the moto on the pavement before attempting the janky roads that lead everywhere. Good call, right? I tried my best to channel my inner braveness but I’m pretty sure I got a tension headache from gripping the handlebars too tight. But, I did it. Is this real life?

We got back to the centre after our moto lesson and the children were slowing coming back from school. Jon and Mathias (a native Beninese man who works for arbre de vie) were on their way to the next town over to check in on 2 young boys who are sponsored by arbre de vie. These boys are being raised by their grandmother because their father died and their mother is ill. Thank God Jon and Ashley just bought that 4x4 suv earlier this week because we worked that thing over today! We meandered our way through the bush of Africa, and I am still not quite certain how in the world Mathias remembered and knew which fork in the road we were supposed to take, but he did. We arrived at the grandmother’s house and it was absolutely unreal. Many men, women and children quickly got wind that there were 2 white girls and 1 tall white man in their village and found their way over to this house. They were so gracious, running to a house down the road to get a bench for us all to sit on. (the grandmother’s only bench is broken.) There was the absolute cutest baby boy and it took everything I had to not snatch him up and bring him home with me! (teasing. Kind of.) he kept crawling all over the dirt, playing with a metal circle. I would guess he was probably 7 or 8 months old. Katinka and I started talking while jon and mathias were conversing with the grandmother about the boys’ condition and status of how things have been going since they began being sponsored this past summer. She said something that really struck me and I want to leave you with that thought tonight.

Obviously you all did not see what I saw.

The mud hut, with nothing in it.
The children’s faces.
The idea that no one knows how old these boys are.
The thought that their birthdays will be never be celebrated.
The children's bodies with nothing but ragged underwear on.
Their barefeet.
The teenager nursing her infant.
The strong hands of a noble grandmother, doing everything she can to provide for her grandsons.

But the question Katinka asked will haunt my soul forever.
And even though you didn't see what I saw, I want to ask you the same question...
How can these people be living on the same planet that I’m living on?
How is it even justifiable for these people to literally have nothing and for myself, and the people I know, to literally have everything they could EVER need and want plus much, much more?
Is this real life?

These are the ugly questions I have to ask myself friends.
These are the questions that really matter.
As you go to sleep tonight, it is my prayer that you will ask yourself this very same question.
You can pretend like it’s not happening.
Go about your life.
But the absolute fact is, it is happening.
I am here to tell you that it is.
I have seen it with my own eyes.
And felt the disgust of it deep in my soul.

i had the best day with you today.

forgive the cheesy blog title. i know it's a taylor swift song. sue me.
i've been singing it to myself all day long for some reason.
why?
probably because this has been one of the best days.
a day i know that i will remember and talk about for the rest of my life.

ashley & jon were gracious enough to let me sleep in this morning. after my melatonin and ibuprofen, i slept like a champ. once i woke up from my melatonin coma, i showered and then a few high school kids stopped by our guesthouse on their way back to the centre from school, it was nice to meet them! then...the new MOTO SCOOTER ARRIVED!!!! part of the money that i raised for my time here in benin went to pay for half of this beauty. (the two cuties in the back live down the road)

i will use it while i am here and other volunteers can use it while they're here too! it should make life much more convenient for future volunteers and also jon and ashley. (tomorrow, i learn how to drive it...watch out.)

we then went to the orphanage (or centre) and i was greeted with the warmest welcome i have ever received! they were all around the open gazebo that is closest to the drive (this gazebo is basically all purpose: meals are eaten here, schoolwork is done here, bible lessons are taught here) and they started singing once they saw the car pulling up. before i could get out of the car there were children everywhere! greeting me with the biggest hugs, saying "it's so nice to meet you". the best.

then we gathered in the gazebo and they sang the best songs as a welcome. i have video of it and will try to upload it soon. (the pictures are taking FOREVER to load for some reason) then they each introduced themselves to me in english, shared their age, school grade and favorite food. 

some boys showed me around their property at the centre (again, will post pics of this soon) and a meal was waiting for me at the table when i got back. it was beans and gari, almost kind of like small sesame seeds. the beans were great! the rest of the afternoon consisted of the children cleaning their room (as they have to every wednesday since they are out of school in the afternoon) and doing other chores around the centre (digging a trash hole, washing dishes, etc.). they received all the presents and letters i brought them and other americans gave them! they were so excited about all of that! mount vernon nazarene university's athletic department mailed over a LOT of t-shirts for the kids and we sorted those all out and fitted the children with them. then it was time for dinner, which i enjoyed! and homework and showers for all the kids before bedtime.

i just kept looking out at different things, still wanting to pinch myself that i'm actually here.

jon throwing an american football i brought with the boys. teaching them how to run plays.

ashley loving on her children. and loving them well.

katinka helping alice with her homework.

mama jacquelyn and mama ahmid cooking dinner in big pots in the open kitchen.

water buckets being filled at the well.

chickens running around.

dogs barking.

the breeze blowing.

the boys playing soccer up the hill by the garden.

the girls getting their nails painted.

laughter.

love.

the best.

arrived.

greetings from Benin!!! 

it's insane to me still that i'm actually here.

i arrived safely in cotonou at around 8pm (my time) tonight.

((sidenote: if you ever get the opportunity to fly brussels airlines, do. exceptional service!))

the blazing sauna of heat hit me the second i stepped off the plane onto the stairs that lead down to a bus we got on. i was quickly stripping off my jacket in the bus. and it was night. what will tomorrow be like?!!

went through customs without any issue. then went to get my bags. seriously got mobbed by these men who wait at the entrance by baggage claim to get people's luggage and take it out to their car as a way to earn money. but i held my own! got my own cart and waited for my bags. they both arrived safely and off i went.

ashley (the director of the orphanage) and katinka (a sweet girl from germany who is also volunteering with arbre de vie right now) were waiting right for me when i got out of baggage claim and it felt so good to drink their cold water they had and just know that i made it. 

this is it.

i'm here.

ready to embrace this experience.

jon (ashley's husband) came in and wheeled the massively heavy cart to their NEW CAR!!!! they have had motorcycles since they moved here two years ago and finally TODAY got a nice 4x4 safari looking SUV. that thing is intense! so happy for them. and glad i got to experience their first time picking up someone from the airport in their very own car! (they usually have to use a taxi) this will be SO beneficial to their ministry.

cotonou (the town i flew into) just got their first "fast food" restaurant. we went there and then started the journey to sakete (the town the orphanage is in) which is about a 2 hour drive. we stopped along the way for apples and oranges, that are easily accessible by just pulling up to the curb and having the vendor bring their goodies to you. we also got gas. which also involves paying a man, on the curb, and he hand pours it into the gas tank. WHAT?

i ate my first orange the "african" way. and we arrived at the house katinka and i are staying in right down from the orphanage around 11:30pm.

it is currently 1:40am. i had the most amazing shower of MY LIFE and i have taken 3mg of melatonin and 400mg of ibuprofen and i'm hitting the hay! just laying under my mosquito net trying to always remember this moment.

guess what i'm doing tomorrow? meeting ALL the KIDS! they have school in the morning and then i'll get to see them tomorrow afternoon when they get back home. cannot wait!

richest experiences.

we've been designed to be active and engaged.

and we know that the richest experiences in our lives aren't when we're clamoring for validation from others, but when we're listening to our own voice - 

doing something that matters,

doing it well,

and doing it in the service of 

a cause larger than ourselves.

prep work.

((wrote this post this morning before i left DFW, but they don't have free wi-fi. so i'm posting this from newark. one flight down. two to go!))

--------------------------------------------------------------

Well. It’s impossible for me to believe that today is the day.

But here I am. Sitting at DFW airport, sipping on my chai and blogging.

Someone said the other day when I was talking about how frantic things have been that they were surprised by that.

“didn’t you know you were planning on doing this for months?”

sure. I did. And have been planning on this great adventure for sometime, but to be quite honest, it all snuck up on me.

Isn’t that how life is though?

You wait so long for something to happen and then it does.

And then it’s over.

Was it all you thought it would be?

Were you fully present for the experience you were so looking forward to?

It is my prayer that both of those questions will be answered with a resounding YES when this entire experience is over.

I am expecting these next 9 weeks to be much more than I could ever dream.

It is my goal, if nothing else, to be fully present.

It’s actually one of the things I’m looking forward to most.

No texting.

No facebook on my phone.

No returning phone calls.

No worrying about who’s doing what.

No fast food.

No job.

Just being.

I have joked with numerous people that I am anxious for the flight so I can sleep. Seriously. last night I packed, and re-packed, and packed again…I am bringing a huge rubber maid full of supplies, food, treats and gifts for the kids, Jon and Ashley. The Rubbermaid weighed exactly 50.5 pounds this morning. Since I can only check 2 bags that left one bag for my clothes and necessities for 9.5 weeks. Not quite the easiest task. I started with a ridiculous amount of stuff and whittled it down to what I felt was the bare minimum. Honestly just clothes, a few pairs of shoes, toiletries and 2 towels. Last night at 9:30pm this bag weighed 75 pounds. SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS!!!! (keep in mind blackie and doug were picking me up at 3 in the morning to drive to dallas.) So I took quite a bit of stuff out…but only got it down to 64 pounds. Had to pay the extra for the luggage weighing too much, but whatever. It will be worth it to have one overweight bag when I start passing out all the goodies from my Rubbermaid. (and don’t worry, my purse is overflowing with stuff and my backpack may burst at the seams…)

Speaking of packing. I could NOT have made it through the past few days without one of my best friends, krystle. She came over to my house on Saturday and spent literally the whole day bagging items and helping organize the chaos that had become by living room and kitchen. She brought such order to the madness. I just honestly wanted to sit in the middle of my living room and cry because I didn’t know where to start, but she helped me find a starting point and go from there. Love her.

The 4 loads of clean laundry that needed to be folded and put away. Which, by the way, I had done in record time! Ask anyone who knows me. Putting away laundry is my most dreaded chore.

Me in the middle of the mess.

Some of the stuff krystle bagged up for me. What a bagger!

After spending most of the day packing on Saturday, krystle and I went to get pedicures and then met haley for dinner. Had to get one more round of chips and salsa in before bouncing out of the US! After dinner, we all went back to my house for more packing and organizing and postcard addressing. My friend from work, julianne, came over and brought her sweet 4-week old baby, Madison, with her. We laughed and talked and worked some. It was so nice!

This is Madison on her first st. patrick’s day. It was so hard to tell her bye. I can’t even begin to imagine what she will be like when I get home! I’m extremely sad that I will miss out on the next two months of her life…but hopeful that I will get some pictures to make the distance a little easier.

Sunday was filled with church and friends. I love the support I always feel from my church family at broken arrow Nazarene. Their generosity and thoughtfulness is so endearing. They will never know what their prayers and well wishes mean to me.

After church I had a “last lunch” with tons of my great friends at red robin!

Robert, ken, gabby, james

Jana, hope, krystle, shelly

Micca, amber, Jason, my sweet dad, shane, kolby, Kevin, konnor

Konnor loved the BOTTOMLESS rootbeer floats!

Well, if you think about it over the next 24 hours, please pray for safe flights for me. I leave dallas at 10:30 and land in benin tomorrow night at 8:00pm their time (they are 6 hours ahead of us). I fly from DFW to NY, NY to Brussels, Brussels to benin. Pumped about taking some melatonin and sleeping tonight on the flight to Europe!

I should be able to update after my first few days in sakete. Kelli will update my facebook when she hears from my mom that I arrived safely! Have a blessed day. love you all!!

long week.

it is amazing to me that it has been only 7 days since i last posted.
it seems like a month ago since last wednesday.

i worked last wednesday night. which i NEVER (repeat NEVER) do.
i always spend wednesday nights with 50-60 of my favorite people at MyLife SM.
the entire time i have been at st. francis children's i have probably worked 3 or 4 wednesday night shifts. (and i've been there for 3.5 years.)
however, last week with kelli still being in town on monday, i changed my schedule and came off of monday night and onto wednesday night.

i am not a firm believer in the good ole saying, "everything happens for a reason".
in fact, i pretty much despise that phrase.
but, i do believe this...
i was at work last wednesday night for a reason.

i have been a pediatric nurse for almost 5 years. in these 5 years i have witnessed extreme heartbreak and extreme happiness. i have questioned God and His motives. i have loved on families and children. i have seen children breathe their last breath. i have seen children beat every odd and resiliently fight back to health. my heart has felt like there were moments it was literally breaking in my chest...but never has it felt the way it did last wednesday night.

wednesday afternoon a friend and former co-worker was t-boned at an intersection by a man who ran a red light.
her 3 children were in the car.
she had just picked up her boys from school.
they were listening to music.
talking about their day.
and in an instant, everything changed.

i have never witnessed such tragedy and heartbreak.
i have never wanted so badly to ease the heartbreak for someone else in my entire life.
i don't usually work wednesday nights.
but i was there last wednesday.
to cry. to pray. to plead. to hug. to cry some more. to bring jolly ranchers.

what do you say?
what do you do?
what do you bring?

after many tears and many desperate cries to our Father, i came to the very real conclusion that it has to be okay to say nothing. because nothing can be said.

and as much as every single nurse and physician wanted so desperately to do something, anything...nothing could be done for Easton. his mom said it well: it was an impossible situation.

so what do you bring? i think, when people are facing impossible situations, you bring yourself. you provide a listening ear. and you provide tears. and you provide a box of kleenex. and you provide the sound of laughter. and sometimes, a drink from QT is necessary too.

this family lost their 6 year old son last week.
there is nothing that can be said. done. or brought.
because nothing will bring him back.
but in their darkest hour, they made the most admirable decision.
the gift of organ donation which provided life for other children across the nation.

read about Easton's life here: Tulsa World
donations can be made to The Easton Cade Whisenhunt Memorial Fund at any Tulsa Teachers Credit Union.

hug your kids and loved ones tight.
love deeply.
be present.
this life is a gift.

visa. visa. visa.

well, i overnighted my visa to the embassy in washington DC yesterday. please please please pray i have this back by early next week!! it is a complicated story as to why i couldn't mail it until yesterday (or why i THOUGHT i couldn't mail it until yesterday...) but i just have to believe that i will have my passport back and visa within the next week! i can't really think of what it would look like if i don't have everything back in time...

this sunday, my sweet pastor has offered me the opportunity to speak at both our church services to share about my time in Benin. the services are at 8:30 and 11. come visit if you can! (Broken Arrow Nazarene)

last night was my first night back at work after a week off. it was brutal to be awake all night but i am actually starting to get sad that my nights at St. Francis Children's Hospital are coming to an end...only 4 shifts left after tonight. pretty crazy to think about! i have met some fantastic people and have grown so much in my nursing career while at St. Francis. i have also made some of my best friends there! it is amazing how a job can change so much for someone, isn't it?

while at work last night i started making a "packing list" of every single possible thing i need to have with me in Africa. this "list" became quite lengthy and overwhelming. one of my best friends, amber, is coming in town this friday to help with some last minute packing stuff. i am glad to have such supportive friends and family! supportive loved ones make life so much easier, don't they?

speaking of this, shout out to mr. james peterson for (once again) making something on this journey simple for me! he made the best postcards for me this evening and i am so excited about getting these back to pass out on sunday at church and to mail out next week before i leave. his talent and willingness to help has been so handy throughout this process! it's so refreshing to have people who say, "don't worry about it. i will do this for you." i hope i am always seen as that kind of friend.

decisions.

a blog.
definitely never thought i would be a blogger.
but i feel that the next few months of my life will definitely be blog worthy!
{shout out to my best friend, kelli, who was in town this weekend and helped me set this up.}
i figured this would be the best way to keep everyone updated on my African adventure.
hopefully i will be able to update on a semi-regular basis while i am in Benin.

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over the past few days i had to make a rather difficult decision. i have not talked to anyone about this because i knew this had to be reached on my own accord. after praying about it and really sitting down and thinking about it all, i think the best decision was made! i was tentatively set to leave for Benin on monday, march 19th and stay there for 4 weeks and then travel down to Swaziland in southern Africa. i was then going to spend 3 weeks ministering with The Luke Commission and return back to Benin for another 2 weeks. unfortunately, the cost of flying from Benin to Swaziland was astronomical and it did not seem entirely logical to spend that large amount of money for travel, lodging and ministry expenses for 3 weeks. i have traveled to Swaziland before and absolutely loved my time there! the people and the country are beautiful. i was anxious to be able to work with The Luke Commission and help however possible! it was a tough decision to make but i truly believe that staying in Benin with Arbre de Vie for the entire 9 weeks i am overseas will be best.

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it is absolutely unbelievable to think that two weeks from tonight i will be flying over the ocean on my way to Benin. the "to do" list seems never ending and to be quite honest, i am still needing quite a bit of financial support for this all to happen. just typing that makes my heart swell with anxiety. but that is silly, right? i have never in my life been more confident that i am doing exactly what the Lord desires me to do. it is not coincidence that any of this is happening and i am continuing to believe daily that every single piece of this puzzle will fall into place. it just is so easy to get concerned with the details, isn't it?

in other Africa news, i got my typhoid fever shot today. and anti-malaria pills.
hoping they don't give me crazy dreams.
and i was so brave and didn't even cry when he shot me.
how can a pediatric nurse be such a pansy about needles? ridiculous.

if you think about it over the next few days, say a prayer that everything gets processed smoothly with my visa. it is being mailed to washington DC in the morning and i will need to have it before i leave the US in two weeks. TWO WEEKS!!!